


SRS Collections

by Mariedesade



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-15
Updated: 2014-05-15
Packaged: 2018-01-24 22:58:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1620017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mariedesade/pseuds/Mariedesade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short Fics I wrote for the Supernatural Rare Ship competition. Random pairing and characters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jimmy fades in and out, with Castiel using him as a meat suit he doesn’t often even know what going on. For whatever reason today is different and he has a clear view of what Castiel is seeing, which is mostly him just wandering around searching for something the Winchesters want. Jimmy quietly watches as Castiel flicks across the world, Japan, Israel, Germany, until he happens to land in library of the university that Jimmy graduated from. Jimmy’s interest perks up as Castiel walks its halls, nostalgia hits him at the familiar landscape.  
  
It was there that many years ago he had, quite literally, bumped into Amelia. He had been walking with a stack of books to his accounting into class and when he turned a corner right into her. She was his first real love and he had pulled every trick he could think of to grab her intention. Jimmy was pained to admit he had written more than once awful poem about her.  
  
Hm how did that first one go, he thought to himself,  _Roses are red, violets are blue, I think you’re cute, how ’bout a screw?_  
  
Jimmy can’t help but laugh at that, the image of what Amelia would have looked like if he actually had written her such a poem. Most of what he had written was sappy crap and he was actually surprised that it worked on Amelia instead of driven her farther away.   
  
Castiel has moved onto somewhere else by now but Jimmy is in a loop of awful poetry. He has nothing else to amuse himself with, and it’s not like anything can hear him fail so epically.   
  
Castiel is somewhere in South America when Jimmy runs out of things to say about Amelia and Claire and decides to switch to Castiel instead.  
  
 _Your eyes are blue, your coat is tan, you’ve looked everywhere but Kazakhstan._  
  
“I doubt Balthazar would have found anything interesting enough in Kazakhstan to go there,” Castiel speaks suddenly. “Where ever he hid it, I imagine it will be fairly close to house that has rowdy women and copious amounts of alcohol.”  
  
 _…_  
  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”  
  
 _You can hear me?_  
  
“Quite clearly.” Several people have now turned to Castiel, probably wondering who he was talking to, but the angel doesn’t even notice.  
  
 _Oh…_  
  
“Don’t let that stop you. Some of your poems are very interesting.”  
  
Jimmy spends the next hour trying to keep his mind a blank slate so Castiel doesn’t hear any more embarrassing things. 


	2. Chapter 2

It always starts the same.  
  


It starts with tiny smile and soft words because at some point the monsters realize that pure pain and terror aren’t enough. Castiel can handle that because it’s what heaven trains it’s angels to do. Then there’s a sudden switch and he wakes up one day to the smiling face of one of his brothers. There is a split second of relief before it’s smile turns sinister and Castiel flinches back in revulsion.  
  


It goes through every angel in heaven, Castiel has to watch each one of his brothers turn against him; the ones he fought with, the ones he barely knew, then ones he killed in his mad grasp for power. Each of those lost soul begin promise of forgiveness but it isn’t long till they’re clawing at his skin and tearing him to shreds. It was the worst thing he could imagine.  
  


Then one night the nurse leads him back to his room and Lucifer is sitting on the edge of his bed.  
He hadn’t seen the devil since he first took on Sam’s burden, the delusions had quickly reformed itself as it tried to find the best way to torture him. But it came full circle and Lucifer spends the night trying to lure him out of his numb stupor.  
  


His fingers card through Castiel’s hair, across his jaw then down his chest and for a split second Castiel closes his eyes and gives in. A split second is all he gets though because as soon as his moment is over its replaced by searing pain. His eyes pop open and he watches his skin bubble and blister beneath the archangel’s touch. A scream rips out of his chest and he flails so much he falls off the bed by the time that the staff runs in to sedate him all he has is claw marks on his stomach left by his own hands and distant laughter ringing through his mind.  
  


Next time he ignores him, he doesn’t bat an eyelash when Lucifer starts laughing at him. “You think there is a single angel left that would waste his time on you?”  
  


He resists it all at first because he knows they only build him up to knock him down but each time the build last longer and longer. Even though he knows that in the end it always the same, it's hard to resist.  
  


It's hard trying to tune Lucifer out as he tells him that everything will be okay now. It’s hard pretending he can't feel his brother’s fingers brush across his jaw and his hot breath on his ear.   
  


And one day he's just too tired to pretend he doesn't care.  
  


One day he laughs at Lucifer's snarky comment about the nurse’s ugly, dirt covered shoes. It is really barely a chuckle, barely even a tiny breath and everyone else completely misses it but Lucifer turns his head and gives him a tiny sideways grin. It reminds Castiel of a time before all the fighting, before angels killed other angel, back when Castiel still had good in him. It’s really all downhill from there but at least he has his moments then, at least there are brief seconds in the blur of days where he doesn’t sob into his pillow and beg an absent father to just end it all.  
  


Castiel moves the monopoly pieces for Lucifer when they play board games in the day room. By the middle of the night Castiel is soaked in imaginary blood and his throat is raw from the screaming no one comes to answer.  
  


Castiel softly smiles as he picks at the gruel they give him for lunch when Lucifer picks on the new doctor that thinks he’s hiding his affair with an orderly very secret. When they turn the lights off later, Lucifer turns his sharp tongue on him and reminds Castiel that words can destroy much more than the pain he’s used to.  
  


It becomes a blur again, the days that pass with almost pleasant days and terrifying nights. Castiel lets himself enjoy the brief reprieves he gets even though he know it just makes the sudden dark turn his hallucinations use even worse.  
  


Then one night be wakes up in a cold sweat and there’s a new face smiling down at him from the foot of his bead. He straightens himself out of habit but he can’t help a relief that someone’s come to save him from this awful place.  
  


“Michael,” Castiel sighs but his mind sneers at him idiot, it’s not him. It can’t be him because you helped put him in the pit right along with Lucifer.   
  


“Hello, little brother.”  
  


Castiel quickly shakes his head and inches back up the bed, distancing himself from the archangel. As if torturing him with one brother wasn’t enough. “Please don’t.”  
  


“It’s different this time,” Michael promises him as he tries to pull Castiel out of his bed. “Show me the garden.”  
  


They sneak out past the night nurse and out the back door to what passes for a community garden, some withering flowers and untrimmed bushes. Castiel’s feverish mind goes back and forth between convincing himself that this might be actually happening and secretly knowing it’s all another trick.  
  


“I planted those,” Castiel quietly mentions and points to the marigolds that thrive amongst the other flowers.   
  


Michael lets out a tiny chuckle. “I suppose you don’t ruin everything then.”  
  


Castiel flinches and tries to pull his short sleeves down to cover his cold arms. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”  
  


“Don’t worry,” Michael turns to him, the same sly smile that all the others have. Panic rises in Castiel’s chest, it happened to fast this time, he didn’t get a happy moment. The monsters just went straight for him. “I suppose I deserve it, I put him down there in the first place. I just never thought little Thursday would be hard enough to follow in my footsteps.”  
  


He’s stepping closer, Castiel is frozen under his twisted stare and then he feels a warm hand on his chest. He leans into the contact, forgetting how dangerous it is to give into these delusions but desperately wanting it. Then the slight warmth turns into sharp pain as his brother’s hand shoots through his chest. The staff find him in the garden the next morning curled in a ball, wrecked sobs shaking his body and they begin locking his door at night.  
  


He only last a week of that, switching between his older brothers and wanting nothing but to be rid of it all but terrified to be left alone. He’s become dependent on what scares him most.  
  


“Please,” Castiel begs, choking back tears. Lucifer sits on the edge of his bed and gives him a sympathetic look, one that is almost convincing enough. Castiel pushes the covers off his body and crawls pathetically over to his not-brother. He clings to the devil’s chest, fingers curled against his soft skin and inhaling his sweet smell. Castiel only needs one night, he only needs Lucifer to get him through this one night. “Just this once, just this once.”  
  


“Just this once,” he nods, pulling Castiel tight against his chest and running a soothing hand up and down the angel’s back. Castiel sighs and buries his head in the crook of Lucifer’s neck. This is exactly what he wants, what he needs, if he can just have this one time he can survive everything that comes after.  
  


But it always ends the same.


	3. Chapter 3

“Jamais de poisson et verre,” Dean says smoothly, looking neither at the waiter or the menu, instead his eyes are locked on the blonde sitting across from him.  
  
“Um,” the waiter furrows his brow before scribbling something down on his notepad. “Okay.”  
  
His date giggles and takes a tiny bite of the complimentary bread sticks. “I didn’t know you were so suave.”   
  
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, uh…mon petite.” Dean blanks on her name but she doesn’t seem to notice, just blushes and gives him a dreamy stare for the hundredth time. Dean might be only a couple marks away from failing French but he realized that the key to impressing people was to speak with confidence. He’s brought plenty of people here who ooh and ah at how smart and worldly he is.   
  
The waiter returns and places the lady’s quiche down on the table and then quickly returns to the table with Dean’s dish. On the plate is a cut of what looks like salmon covered in a light brown sauce and topped with a yellow-green crumble. The waiters just stands there and waits for Dean’s reaction, hoping to have chosen the right thing and Dean just stares at…whatever is on his plate.  
  
“Oh, I used to eat pistachios by the handful when I was a little girl,” his date says cheerily.  
  
“Pistachios, right.” Dean pokes his fork into the dish. “That will be all, homme.”  
The waiter rolls his eyes but doesn’t comment of Dean’s horrible French.  
  
The next morning, Dean wishes her a “beau nuit” before he sneaks out of her window.  
  
***  
  
A few Saturdays later he’s on his way to pick up a new girl, Jenny, when his cell phone starts ringing. He lets it go to voicemail because this is one date he wasn’t going to miss for anything, Jenny was the cheerleader he had been trying to bag for months. But just as Jenny climbs into the passenger’s seat his phone starts ringing again and then twice more on the way there.  
  
“Hello?” Dean answers tersely.  
  
“Dean, I need you to come get me,” Sam tells him on the other end.  
  
“What? No! You’re supposed to sleep over at that nerds house.”  
  
“Conrad’s parents are fighting,” Sam whispers. “I want you to come get me.”  
  
“No way.”  
  
“Please, Dean,” he begs.  
  
“I have a date, Sammy.”  
  
“Bring him along,” Jenny says suddenly.  
  
“What?”  
  
Jenny gives him a sincere smile. “Why not? I don’t mind.”  
  
“Jenny doesn’t mind,” Sam mildly taunts.  
  
Dean is silent, drumming his free hand against the steering wheel. “You sure?”  
  
“Yeah, I bet he’s adorable.”  
  
That’s how they end up in his fancy French restaurant with Sam, in his baggy jeans and wrinkly t-shirt, sitting next to his date and telling him all about his next science project.  
  
Their server comes up to them, not the meek waiter he usually has but a stern looking woman with her hair pulled tight into a bun.  
  
“What can I get for you this evening?”  
  
Dean decides that he can still turn this night around and puts on his best French accent. “Je vu de putain.”  
  
The waitress pales a little before her lips turn into down into a sharp frown. “Pardon?”  
  
“Dean,” Sam lean in and hisses. “I don’t know what you're trying to say but that is not it.”  
  
“I just asked for some putain. You know, putain,” Dean explains but each time he says putain the waitress’s expression turns a little more sour. “It’s uh, fries and um gravy…”  
  
“Oh,” the waitress’s eyes turn from disgust to contempt. “You mean poutine.”  
  
“Yeah that!”  
  
“Well, sir, this is a real French restaurant not a dinner on the outskirts of Montreal.” She taps her pen against her notepad and Jenny doesn’t quite manage to hold back her laugh. “So you’ll have to order some actual food.”  
  
“Madame,” Sam speaks up. “Mon frère veut le pot de feu, s'il vous plaît.”  
  
“Très bien, monsieur,” She nods and gives him a look far nicer than she’s ever given Dean. They watch her walk away in silence, Dean seething on the inside at being shown up by his little brother.  
  
“Sam, you speak so well,” Jenny smiles at the young boy. “Do you study French in school?”  
  
“No, sometimes I read Dean’s textbooks when he leaves them lying around.” Sam shrugs.  
  
“You’re such a little cutie,” she laughs. They begin chatting while Dean resists the urge to kick his little brother under the table for messing up his date.   
  
“Here.” The waitress drops Dean’s bowl onto the table, some of it ends up splattered onto his shirt.  
  
“Hey!” Dean snaps but she’s already long gone. “You ordered me soup, Sammy? I hate soup.”  
  
“I don’t know a lot of food names,” Sam says, cutting into his steak (which Dean is going to have to pay for). “And I wasn’t going to make a fool out of myself ordering something unless I know how.”  
  
Jenny breaks out into laughter at Sam’s sass. Dean nearly reaches across the table and strangles him.  
  
***  
  
The car is deadly silent on the way home, perhaps for the other two it’s a comfortable quite but Dean is seething on the inside. Jenny practically had a date with Sam instead of him and on top of that his little brother made him look like a complete idiot. He almost considers just driving off as soon and Jenny shuts her door but grudgingly gets out and walks her to her door.   
  
“I had a really nice time,” she smiles as she unlocks her front door.  
  
“Awesome,” Dean mumbles.  
  
“I was right, your little brother is adorable.” Dean wants to shoot back maybe he’ll take you to prom then but his nods stiffly and turns to leave. Jenny grabs his hand and tugs him back before pressing a kiss to his cheek. “You’re a really good bug brother.”  
  
“Thanks,” he says surprised.  
  
“Maybe next time it can be just us though.” She leans in again and brushes her lips against his before she rushes back inside.  
  
Dean walks back to the car with a smug smile on his face, Sam’s already moved to the front seat. He takes one look at Dean’s new found happiness and tells him “Le français est la langage d'amour.”  
  
“Shut up, Sammy.”


	4. Chapter 4

When Charlie was called down to the office during first period, she knew exactly what the principle was going to say to her. She knew Mr. Milton was going to pull up her grades for that term and question how her computer class mark had gone from a D to an A without her having shown up to a single test for months. Charlie also knew to just keep her mouth shut, they had no real proof she’d done anything and as long as she was quiet it was going to stay that way. They probably assumed she had paid someone to change her mark anyways.  
  
That plan worked so far as that she was not expelled but she did end up in detention at the end of the day.  
  
“You spend more time in here than you do in class,” Ms. Sands tsks.  
  
“I know you miss me when I’m gone,” Charlie teases and Ms. Sands wrinkles her nose.   
  
“You should learn how to behave,” she steps over to the next desk and places a hand on the head of the boy sitting there “like little Cassie here. Such a good boy, you never hear a peep out of him.”  
  
“If he was so good he wouldn’t be here,” Charlie mumbles under her breath.  
  
“I’m going out for a smoke.” Ms. Sands ruffles around in her purse, though Charlie knows from previous experience that she probably isn’t going out for a cigarette. Where ever she goes she doesn’t come back until detention is over. The door clicks closed behind her and Charlie turns to the silent boy next to her.  
  
“Your name isn’t actually Cassie right? It’s something else, we had a class together last year, I think I remember your name…”  
  
He throws a quick sideways glance but doesn’t answer, just curls his shoulders inwards and turns the page of his novel.  
  
“Cassie, Cassie, Caspien, Castien, Castiel!” She thumps her hand on the desk and grins. “It’s Castiel, right?”  
  
He gives a tiny nod.  
  
“You’re pretty quiet. Actually I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk.” She taps her chin in thought and she has vague memories of someone saying he was a mute, or shy, or…something important like that. “Don’t suppose you’re going to tell me how you ended up here?”  
  
Castiel shakes his head.  
  
“Yeah, how I got here is a long story…you probably don’t want to hear about it…” The room falls into momentary silence before Charlie speaks again. “Well, okay, so it all started at the beginning of the term when my computer teacher called me ‘honey’ and I’m like “honey? Wow I could out program this guy in my sleep. So I stopped showing up and I had better things to do anyways, like working on my LARPing costume. It was kick ass by the way, attached each piece of chainmail by hand.”  
  
Charlie babbles on like that, arms flaying wildly in the air with her enthused gestures. Describing the recent medieval fair and the Dungeons and Dragons tournament she just won. Finally, after almost two hours, she returns to the subject she began with. “So I realized that I had missed every test and figured that if I just went in and changed it I would get an A and still prove that I know about more about computers than that poor excuse for a human being at the same time.”  
  
Castiel has finished his book and is staring at the clock, watching the seconds tick by while Charlie silently sits and waits for Castiel to awe at her talents.  
  
“Actually, the story about how I learned to hack is pretty interesting, I can tell you if you’re-”  
  
“Please, don’t.”  
  
“What?” Charlie asks surprised at the sudden sound. Castiel looks at her and slowly shakes his head but doesn’t speak again.   
  
Charlie decides to tell him anyways.


	5. Chapter 5

Castiel had spent millions of years watching weary humans crawl into their beds and thank God that they can finally sleep. So when his grace began to fade he had thought that sleep might a little flicker of light amongst the encroaching darkness. Castiel had taken the occasional peak into human dreams, they were often jumbled but cheerful, sometimes much better than their waking life.  
Castiel’s dreams were nothing like that.  
  
There wasn’t anything tangible to them, there wasn’t anyone attacking him or any pain. Perhaps he simply never remembered them but to him as soon as he fell asleep he was greeted with darkness and just pure terror.   
  
While he had gone to bed happy and content it isn’t long before he awakes , screaming and drenched in sweat.  
  
“Castiel,” Lucifer murmurs beside him. His brother stays beside him through the nights now, in hopes that it might calm his frantic mind, Castiel feels guilty that Lucifer wastes so much time on him but needs him so badly he doesn’t say anything. A hand wraps around his wrist gently pulls him back onto the bed, Lucifer whispers something against his neck, he doesn’t quite understand it but assumes it’s because of his still distraught mind.  
  
“It’s awful, just- just awful,” he babbles, heart pounding in his chest even now.   
  
Lucifer speaks again and again the words’ meaning is lost on him which he now realizes is because it’s one of the languages that have long been wiped from his mind. Lucifer’s feather light touch grazes his jaw line and he places a kiss on Castiel’s forehead. His incomprehensible words spill from his lips and blend together, forming something akin to a lullaby and Castiel relaxes under his brother touch.  
  
The words remind him of home, they seem familiar even if he can’t place them but he knows Lucifer wouldn’t be speaking them if he wasn’t sure of their effect. His voice is not the one he uses with others, it’s not firm and authoritative like when he’s giving out orders. It’s soft, gentle, it’s so completely tender that Castiel just melts into Lucifer’s arms as the song-like words chase away the darkness that sneaks in on him every night.  
  
His eyes flutter shut and he sighs contently. At least tonight he can be sure no nightly terrors will creep in past Lucifer’s arms.


	6. Chapter 6

Monsters don’t lurk around on Halloween. So of course Dean takes the night off and goes where it is the hunter goes when he wants to get laid. 

In a moment of bad judgment so does Sam. That’s how he ends up sneaking into the Halloween party across form his hotel, granted he doesn’t intend to go out and have sex (given how badly that always ends) he just thinks it would be nice to talk to someone who isn’t grieving from having their friend torn apart by werewolves. It isn’t exactly a well thought out costumes, he puts on a pair of black jeans and a black shirt, buying a hat and mask and because everyone is so drunk by the time he gets there they dub Sam a Zorro and that the end of it.

Sam’s enjoying a tiny vacation from his life, drinking punch that is way too strong but at least it’s free, when he feels a feather light touch on his arm. He turns to find a young woman grinning up at him from beneath a masquerade mask. Hair done up with feathers and jewels she’s clad in what could have been an authentic Victorian dress if it wasn’t cut and flaring out around her thighs. She squints up and him, eyes blurred by the wine in her hand, and leans against his chest, speaking words too softly to hear over the loud music. He excuses himself before it goes any further than that because frankly it’s in her best interests to not get involved with him.

But then a half hour later Sam has had too much to drink and she’s found her way back to him. Sam still can’t hear her over the music but luckily talking isn’t what was on her mind. He ends up with a lap full of stranger and red lipstick smeared across his face. As the others begin to clear out he grabs her hand and leads her across the street, fingers stumbling with the keys as he tries both to open the door and keep his hands on her. They manage to make it to the bed, which was actually quite remarkable because she would have been happy with the bushes by the party house. They’ve both ripped off their clothes and tossed them in every direction when Sam reaches behind his head to untie his mask. 

“Leave it on.” She swats his hands away and there is a brief moment where his mind tries to tell him something but he’s too drunk to listen. It’s not having sex with masks on is the weirdest thing he’s ever done.  
  
***

Keys jingle in the lock as Dean tries to make his way back inside the next morning. Sam only just manages to pull the blankets over their naked bodies a second before his brother bursts in with two coffees in hand. He takes one look at Sam and a wide, dopey, grin breaks out across his lips.

“Whoa.”

The sleeping girl next to him yawns as she wakes, stretching out her stuff muscles before she sits up, not bothering to pull the covers up with her. 

“Whoa,” Dean repeats. Sam’s face burns with embarrassment but then he watches as Dean’s stupid grin suddenly drops. “ _Whoa_.”

Sam’s head twists to the side and even he can’t help the startled look painted on his face when he sees his lady friend without her mask. “Bella?”

“Damn,” she curses and finally pulls the blankets over her naked chest. 

“Oh god, this is the greatest day of my life,” Dean laughs and sets the cups down as his shaking hands start to spill it’s contents.

“Don’t think this makes up friends, Winchester.”

Dean doesn’t bother trying to hide that he stares at Bella the whole time she’s changing.

Sam hates Halloween.


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel clearly isn’t enjoying the car ride. Sam tries to chat him up but all he gets is one word replies and then stony silence.  
  
“It’s cold,” Castiel mumbles, pulling his jacket tighter over his chest. It was an unusually chilly for the 4th of July but it wasn’t that cold, Castiel just woke up extra grumpy that day. Sam understood why Castiel had been in such a mood lately, it was just a few weeks ago that he lost his the last little traces of his grace and maybe the best thing to do was let him sulk a little but Sam couldn’t stand watching him be so miserable.  
  
“It will be fun, I promise.”   
“That’s rather presumptions,” Castiel snorts.  
“Trust me, you haven’t lived till you’ve seen firework.”  
“I have seen fireworks.” Castiel sits up straight in his seat and gives Sam a hard look. “I’m an angel I’ve seen everything.”  
  
“It’s not the same unless you see them up close.” Sam is sure he sees Castiel roll his eyes but he doesn’t argue with him anymore. When they get to the camp grounds it’s so full that Sam has to park on the grass instead of a lot. Sam pulls him into the crowd, they walk around the carnival while waiting for it to get dark, Castiel refuses most of the food that’s offered to him but he grudgingly tries a bit of funnel cake.   
  
“Exactly when are we going to start having ‘fun’,” Castiel asks him poking at a strawberry on top of the pastry.   
  
Sam sighs and stands up, Castiel gets a look in his eye like he’s sure he’s about to be allowed to return home but Sam grabs his hand and yanks him off the bench. “Come on.”  
  
“Where are we going?”  
  
“Away from here.”  
  
“But-”  
  
“It’s too crowded here. We won’t get a good spot.” Sam pulls him through the crowd, the sea of people seems to go and on, Castiel can’t see where it ends but he hopes Sam’s extra height gives him an advantage to that. When they finally breakthrough they’re back in the parking lot but Sam walks right by the car and continues to the lake.  
  
“Where are we going?” Castiel repeats, he looks behind him to the quickly disappearing fairgrounds.  
“I know just the spot to go to!” Sam smiles back at him. Soon they’re walking through the woods and whacking branches out of the way as they push through. Castiel is just about to tell Sam that he’s tired and wants to go home when they break through the wall of trees and into a clearing. “See? I knew there had to be one of these if we walked far enough.”  
  
“You mean you didn’t know?”   
  
“Doesn’t matter.” Sam drops to his knees and pulls Castiel down with him. “We’re here now.”  
“Sam, the ground is wet,” Castiel complains but Sam is already laid back with his hands laced behind his head.  
  
“Come on, it’s better if you’re lying down. Then all you can see is the sky.”  
  
Castiel lets out a frustrated sigh but he complies, he lies down next to the hunter and tries not to grimace at the wet feeling leaking through his shirt. They slip into a silence as the sky turns from a pale blue to a inky black, Sam keeps taking nervous glances at the Castiel, not sure if he’ll keep waiting or just give up go wait in the car.   
  
A tiny fizzle sounds out and a two seconds later the sky lights up. It a shower of green that trickles out into a gold bustle. More and more follow till all the sound it drowned out by the boom of the fireworks, flashes of red, green, blue, any colour you could think of paints the space above them. Sam risks another glance at Castiel and finds him staring wondrously up at the display, it makes a smile crack across Sam’s lips.  
  
“So, is it good?”  
  
“It’s….” Castiel trails off as a purple and red one explodes and drowns out all the other fading fireworks. “It’s very different from down here.”  
  
“Is it?”  
  
“Yes, much…bigger. It takes up the whole sky.” A small grin sprouts on Castiel’s lips. He turns his head towards Sam, the fireworks reflection dances in his eyes. “They all blend together, it looks spectacular.”  
  
“I’m glad you like it.” The fireworks continue to explode above them yet they have trouble tearing their gazes away from each other. Hesitantly Castiel leans forwards, Sam follows, but just as their lips are about to touch the final sounds off and Castiel jumps in surprise. He’s back to staring at the sky and Sam’s happy for him but a can’t help being disappointed it ruined the moment.  
  
Still Sam thinks the fireworks aren’t nearly as amazing as the rarely seen smile on Castiel’s lips.


	8. Chapter 8

Castiel isn’t sure where they all come from. The angels have been gone for months when the first one shows up at the camp. Castiel doesn’t have even a trace of grace left so he doesn’t feel the fallen angel but as soon as he sees her at the gate he knows.  
  
Castiel has to stop Dean from shooting her on sight.  
  
“So,” Castiel mumbles a little awkwardly. He knows the woman fiddling with the junk on his dresser is his sister but he doesn’t know which one. His heart clenches at the realization and it sickens him to have to ask but it’s not something he can avoid. “Who are you?”  
  
She picks up his clunky, old, flashlight and flicks it on and off, before setting it down and looking up at Castiel. “I suppose it is Suzie now.”  
  
“Oh, you don’t …” Castiel trails off as she picks up a bottle of pills, shakes it and then tosses it over her shoulder. “You don’t have to take your vessels name.”  
  
She scoffs and sits down on his bed, the springs squeak out in protest against the weight. “I might as well.”  
Castiel sits down next to Suzie, who is stretching her hands out in front of her and staring at them with mild fascination. “Dean is trying to find a place for you to stay.”  
  
“I’m sure he is,” she shrugs. “I won’t be staying here long.”  
  
“You have nowhere else to go.”  
  
“I will manage.” She thoughtful strokes her long nails, Castiel can just imagine her trying to figure out their use. “Being human is much more painful than I expected.”  
  
“Have you eaten yet?” Castiel puts his hand on Suzie’s shoulder, despite the wary look he gets because of it. “Your body probably wants food.”  
  
“My body,” she frowns and stands. “Well then, I suppose I should do that.”  
  
Castiel takes her back to the supply cabin, he gives her canned tuna, granola bars and peanut butter on stale crackers but she spits out each one out. Suzie looks miserable as she tries to cleanse out the taste of the peanut butter with a mouthful of Dean’s whiskey. He tells her to wait a moment while he gives out the half eaten food to some of the other, no point letting it go to waste, and when he returns he ushers her into Dean’s cabin. After making sure that Dean isn’t around he pulls back the cabin and opens the door hidden in the floor boards.  
  
It’s a small little nook, it doesn’t hold much, just some items that Dean doesn’t want getting stolen. It’s mostly ammo and medical supplies, but off to the side is a stack of mason jars. Dean isn’t much nostalgia but when a supply run ended up at an old lady’s pantry the first thing he grabbed was the canned pie filling. They are usually saved for a night were he’s finished a bottle of Daniels, he twists open the small jar and downs the contents, it’s one of the few times he nearly smiles.  
  
“Here,” Castiel hands her a jar of cherry filling, “Try this.”  
  
She warily dips her finger into the goo, scoops up a glob and sucks the digit into his mouth. Her face instantly brightens and she reaches to take more but Castiel hold the jar away from her. “I want that.”  
  
“I know,” Castiel nods. “This is the only one you can have though, after this you need to eat what everyone else does.”  
  
Suzie’s nose instantly wrinkles in disgust. “But I want that.”  
  
Castiel shakes his head. “This is Dean’s. I’m only doing this for you because we’re family.”  
  
Castiel flinches at the harsh laugh she lets out but she quickly quiets down when she realizes he is serious. “Oh, well, thank you.”  
  
Handing her the jar he rises to his feet and makes way to the door. “You finish that, I’ll keep Dean busy for a bit.”  
***  
Castiel rubs his palm against his tired eyes, there was always so much to do and so little time to do it. Chuck was near panicking early and Castiel had to spend all evening trying to calm him and convince him that the camp wasn’t days away from starvation. Walking into his cabin he nearly slips on a jar that was lying on the floor, along with several others in a line straight to the bed.  
  
“What the…” Castiel trails off and picks up the stray jar. It lined with a red slime that Castiel instantly recognizes and he marches right over to the girl sleeping on his head. “Suzie!”  
  
“Mmm, go away,” she replies lazily.  
  
“You ate all of them,” he hisses, slamming the glass on the night table. “Dean- Dean will be furious.”  
  
“It was so good.” She curls in on herself, her arms wrap around her midsection. “But it still hurts.”  
  
“Because you ate too much!” Castiel rolls her onto he back, her stomach is clearly swollen and she must have eaten over twenty jars. “Why didn’t you stop?”  
  
“I don’t know,” she whines. “It didn’t hurt when I was eating it.”  
  
“Damn,” Castiel cusses. “I told you to just eat the one.”  
  
Suzie has already fallen back asleep and Castiel sees no reason to keep yelling at the unconscious angel.  
She was gone by the morning anyways.  
***  
  
Days pass and turn into months, soon Castiel forgets all about Suzie, stops wondering where she could have gone. There are more important things to worry about anyways.  
  
Then one day the supply run comes back with a group of survivors and Dean shuffles them off into a spare cabin to quarantine. Castiel doesn’t think much of it, it happens from time to time and he’s frankly still a little buzzed from the pills he took that morning. So he just lounges in his bed and munches on a handful of cereal. There’s a knock on the door and Dean walks in before Castiel can answer.  
  
“Someone’s asking for you,” he tells Castiel. “One of the people we just brought it.”  
  
“I don’t know anyone.”  
  
“Go, don’t go, I don’t care,” Dean shrugs and leaves. Castiel waits till the drugs have completely left his system before he goes to find out for himself who it is.  
  
“Castiel!” A voice calls out before he’s even half way across the lawn. He walks up to the armed guards at the cabin and sees a small blonde trying to wedge herself between them.  
  
“It’s fine,” Castiel tells them. “She can’t get infected she’s…she’s like me.”  
  
It seems strange to still call himself an angel after all this time.  
  
“Whatever.” One moves to the side and lets the girl out, she instantly flings herself at Castiel and hugs him.  
  
“I found you!” She cries out.  
  
“Yes, yes you did.” Castiel pulls her off him and the leads her back to his cabin. “I’m sorry but I don’t know who you are.”  
  
“It’s me,” she blinks as if that’s enough. Thankfully she doesn’t embarrass Castiel by making him guess. “Lailah.”  
  
“Oh.” She had been created around the same time he was but she rarely ever left heaven, he’s sure that is why she still seems to lighthearted.  
  
“I knew I’d find you.”  
  
“Me? Why would you want to find me.”  
  
“I don’t know, I just know I was supposed to.” She taps her chin in thought. “I remember it from before.”  
  
“Before? Before you fell?”  
  
She nods enthusiastically. “So, you can fix this now, right?”  
  
“Fix what?” he asked confused.  
  
“Fix me,” she smiles brightly, “make me an angel again.”  
  
“Lailah…I can’t…I can’t do that.”  
  
The smile instantly drops from the lips. “What?”  
  
“I don’t know why you think I can but I’m no more of an angel than you are.”  
  
“No, no, I was told…” Her bottom lip trembles and tiny pricks of water sting her eyes. “I thought you would help me.”  
  
“I will, I’ll show you how to be human, how to-”  
  
“I don’t want to be human!” She shouts. Tears burst from her eyes and she collapses on Castiel’s bed. “It’s so awful; the world out there, all those people, I don’t want any of that.”  
  
“It’s not so bad, I’ve been like this for years.” The words just make her sob harder.  
  
“Just leave me alone.” He leans down and tries to comfort her but she pulls away. “Please, just go.”  
  
Castiel leaves her, he sits on the steps to his cabin and listens to her sobbing. He tels himself that in the morning she'll be better and he'll helper her then. When he comes back the next day she refuses to get out of bed, the same the day after that and the next, and the next. She spends a week in bed, refusing to eat, refusing to speak no matter how hard Castiel tries to lure her out.   
  
When it seems hopeless he grabs the bottle in his pocket and puts it in her hand. "This will help."  
  
She rolls the bottle on the bed and it falls onto the ground. Castiel tries again, pulling the cap off and dropping the pills in her hand. "Please, just try it. You can fly again."   
  
She doesn't move and Castiel thinks that he's lost her but then her mouth slowly opens. Castiel gives her a weak smile before twisting open a water bottle and pops a few pills in his own mouth.  
  
A few minutes later they're both on the ground and she has that sam bright aura he remembered her having. It really is like flying, being warm and weightless, the drugs are the closes he ever comes to salvation.  
  
"You're glowing, Castiel," she grins up at him. He grabs her hips and drags her on top of him. "You're glowing just like you used to."  
  
Castiel teachers her a lot of things that night. He shows her bliss, sex, laughter and affection. She learns even more the next day; pain, despair, loss. Like he once did she drowns herself in the pills she can sneak out of the supplies.  
  
The next time an angel shows up in camp Castiel promises to try harder, promises that this one won't end up like he did. That one lasts 6 months before he follows. The same thing happens to the next one and the next.  
  
Castiel isn't sure if it's humanity they can't handle or if Castiel really does corrupt everything he touches.


End file.
